The other night I was going through my old blog posts and realized that I had not posted anything in over two years and my last post was literally the day before Renee died. (For those who don’t know, Renee was my mother-in-love, she took me in and loved me as her own when I was just 16).
As I was reading the old posts, enjoying the memories and revisiting those moments in my mind, I got very sad thinking about Renee and everything that has happened since she passed that she isn’t here to experience now. She would be so happy and so proud of where we are now, but I got to thinking about where I was at in life right before she passed and the plans I had and how that all changed in an instant. I started to realize that some of the things I was working on, including this blog, really just died along with her. I went to bed, extremely sad, missing Renee and feeling discouraged.
Then —-> I woke up…..and the Lord asked me if I was more impacted by Renee’s death or by her life.
That question hit me hard, it shook me. Was her death more impactful….more important, or was it her life?
I immediately prayed and had to ask the Lord to forgive me for being stupid. The thought of her death being more impactful than her life is awful and she would hate that, it does her no honor and the Lord no glory. She would hate it that I stopped writing and that the plans and dreams I had before just came to a halt.
While her death was a major turning point and the cause of so many changes in our lives, her life taught me so much. The kind of life she lived, the children she had, the love that she showed, the help she offered….there is just no end to describing what this woman meant to me and to so many others.
So to answer the question, was I more impacted by Renee’s death or by her life? Well, as usual, the Lord had me thinking, I was truly shaken by the question and I had to dig a little deeper. What does the Bible say about this?
The Holy Spirit led me right to this scripture in Luke 9:60. Jesus said, “Let the dead bury the dead.” I prayed on it and this is what I heard, “you who are spiritually alive, come and follow me, let the spiritually dead, bury the dead.” Again, I was shaken. The Lord wants us completely sold out to Him, to follow Him no matter what.
I realized that I was not “letting the dead bury the dead” in this area of my life. Instead I was letting my passions, desires and dreams be choked out by sadness and fear. Then it occurred to me that the enemy (devil) often sneaks in and tricks you out of God’s plan for your life. So many people fall short of the plan God has for them because they let the devil talk or trick them out of it, but praise the Lord for his resurrection power because the area of my life that I let die with Renee….I can actually feel it being resurrected. That may seem silly and a little extreme to you, but Jesus is real and God has a purpose for each of our lives….and often times, he hides our purpose in our passions.
The only death that has truly impacted my life, is the death of Jesus Christ. Without his death I wouldn’t be able to live an eternal life in Heaven. Renee’s life painted a beautiful picture of what walking out a life of faith in Jesus Christ looks like. Her life impacted so many people. So the answer to the question is a very loud and clear….LIFE, I was definitely more impacted by her life and I want to live a life that glorifies God and pays honor to the legacy Renee left behind.
I challenge you to really think and pray about any dead areas of your life. Maybe you’ve went through a loss like I did, or maybe not. Either way, God has a purpose for your life, are you fulfilling it?
God Bless,
Kendra
Kendra Lewis 